Last year on this date my world shook and i had nothing to say about it. I was devastated and shocked. I was shaken really hard by life. I did not know how to react and i could find no words to describe my loss. I had lost abu.
I never mentioned his condition that he was in for the past two years, and i could not mention his death either. I just did not feel like it. Mentioning about his brain hemorrhage and coma and then his death on Facebook seemed like i was making fun of him somehow. It seemed too personal to even ask for people to make dua for him. It was my grief and i knew it could not be shared with anyone.
So many people posted messages about him, wrote beautiful obituaries about him or their memory of him and updated their profile pictures with him on his death because they loved him and wanted to show it but it only hurt and angerd me more like they were disrespecting him somehow.
I could not believe it for at least 4 to 5 months that he is gone and would not return. It did not settle in that i will not be able to hear his voice again and will have to only cherish my last phone call with him to remember his voice. I still felt he was there in his room and us in the hope that he will wake up from his coma.
After it sunk in that he's really gone, i realized that i have to meet him, i have to hear his voice again and talk to him again. And so i have to be like him, pray 5 times a day and do zikr of Allah n everything else i am supposed to so i go to heaven and meet him. I don't know if this is the right motivation for Jannah or not but i am living for it now. I am far away from being a good muslim but i want to get there and become one so i can meet him and talk to him.
I miss him. Bragging about him is another thing i don't want to do as he never did it either but his duas for everyone after namaz went on for at least half an hour mashallah. He spoke softly, loved children and was mostly smiling :).
The last two years of his life were certainly a gift from Allah, for us to prepare ourselves of what was to come on 24th feb 2014. HE knows all and he knows best. Had it been a sudden death, neither of us could have come out of the shock. We would not have been able to take it. And Allah only burdens us with what we can bear.
Soon after his death, Salik got a great job, I conceived Alina, Haseeb graduated and got himself a job too.. It was all good things and like salik says lagta hai abu ne jatay hi hamari sifarish kardi. Even though there could have been nothing better in this world had he been alive to enjoy the success of his kids and joy of his grandkids but l think he's still looking after us.
May Allah grant him the highest place in Jannah and i meet him again on the day of Judgment and we walk together to Jannah! Ameen.
I never mentioned his condition that he was in for the past two years, and i could not mention his death either. I just did not feel like it. Mentioning about his brain hemorrhage and coma and then his death on Facebook seemed like i was making fun of him somehow. It seemed too personal to even ask for people to make dua for him. It was my grief and i knew it could not be shared with anyone.
So many people posted messages about him, wrote beautiful obituaries about him or their memory of him and updated their profile pictures with him on his death because they loved him and wanted to show it but it only hurt and angerd me more like they were disrespecting him somehow.
I could not believe it for at least 4 to 5 months that he is gone and would not return. It did not settle in that i will not be able to hear his voice again and will have to only cherish my last phone call with him to remember his voice. I still felt he was there in his room and us in the hope that he will wake up from his coma.
After it sunk in that he's really gone, i realized that i have to meet him, i have to hear his voice again and talk to him again. And so i have to be like him, pray 5 times a day and do zikr of Allah n everything else i am supposed to so i go to heaven and meet him. I don't know if this is the right motivation for Jannah or not but i am living for it now. I am far away from being a good muslim but i want to get there and become one so i can meet him and talk to him.
I miss him. Bragging about him is another thing i don't want to do as he never did it either but his duas for everyone after namaz went on for at least half an hour mashallah. He spoke softly, loved children and was mostly smiling :).
The last two years of his life were certainly a gift from Allah, for us to prepare ourselves of what was to come on 24th feb 2014. HE knows all and he knows best. Had it been a sudden death, neither of us could have come out of the shock. We would not have been able to take it. And Allah only burdens us with what we can bear.
Soon after his death, Salik got a great job, I conceived Alina, Haseeb graduated and got himself a job too.. It was all good things and like salik says lagta hai abu ne jatay hi hamari sifarish kardi. Even though there could have been nothing better in this world had he been alive to enjoy the success of his kids and joy of his grandkids but l think he's still looking after us.
May Allah grant him the highest place in Jannah and i meet him again on the day of Judgment and we walk together to Jannah! Ameen.
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